Yeah, I actually get it. It takes time to wrestle with one’s demons, and that fight can sometimes be long and hard! I wrestled for a very long time with the fact that I was an atheist (or at the very least agnostic). It took a lot of self reflection, a lot of thinking. I had been indoctrinated to believe there was a god and that this god cared. It took many years, I was well into my thirties, when I acknowledged what I’d been terrified to admit at 14.
I can forgive people who learn from a horrible mistake, and the more distance I get from the trauma of those four years, the less anger I hold onto, but I cannot forgive those who have every opportunity to learn, but don’t.