This commercialization also sits very comfortably alongside the idea that a woman’s greatest priority should what men like and want. We’re discouraged from knowing ourselves, and what we like and want, and we’re socialized from childhood (in books, movies, music, tv shows, all of pop culture) to only consider what makes men (and let’s be honest, white men mostly control these industries,) what make white men happy, that getting the attention of any man (or boy) should be our entire objective, and what looks and behaviors they like for women to have in order to get that attention.

We’re taught that any women who don’t conform, or go along, aren’t really women, are ugly, are going to die alone, and demonized as selfish and wrong. As a little Black girl, I got sent conflicting messages all day long in the media that my priority as a girl should be garnering any male attention, but also that I wasn’t beautiful (and never going to be) because I wasn’t blond and white. (And my logical question extending from that was: if I’m not ever going to be considered even mildly pretty then why the hell am I trying so hard to get all this attention, and what is all that attention supposed to do for me? How does it make my life better? How does it make me better?)

I feel like those are questions all women should ask themselves. I’m not saying women shouldn’t try to make themselves look and feel good, but they do need to examine why they’re desperate to do so, and be honest about the answer.