One of the oddest tenets of whiteness is the idea that other people can't determine their motives, or that PoC can't actually see them and name them for what we are.

I'm glad your mother told you that, which I think she did because she didn't want you to adopt an attitude of "whiteness". All you have to do is look at trump's most annoying and worst behavior to see that that is a man who totally believes in the concept of "whiteness".