Another thing I feel needs pointing out to “nice” white people that if your Black friends have never spoken to you about the racism they face, have faced in their lives, then you’re not really friends with them, and on some level, even deep down, they don’t trust you.

But what also needs to be taken into account, is not just your own comfort, but the comfort of your Black friend. You can engage with them on the topic of racism, but you have to do it on their terms, not yours, even if that means they never want to discuss it with you. Insisting on having a discussion, that you know makes THEM feel uncomfortable, is prioritizing your feelings about an issue that does not directly affect how you live.

And know that, no matter how nice a white person you are, it’s not that your personal niceness isn’t appreciated by your friend, but that no amount of niceness from you, can protect them from the people and systems that are not.