And this is why when my best friend asked me if I would like to go to her next wellness retreat with her, I had to turn her down. I love her and she is well meaning but as a white woman she is not a good source for whether or not I would be safe anywhere.

She showed me photos of the retreat. I saw no black women or other women of color in any of the photos and I told her I wouldn't feel safe going. She tried to assure me that the women there are okay, but I also reminded her that she absolutely cannot assure the behavior of other white people, and that as a white woman she is not be in the position to determine if spaces were safe or not for women like me. I'm the only one I can rely on to determine that.